The best there is

When I finally caught up ta the rest O' the X- Men they were already stormin' the gates wit' Hellstorm. I ain't sure if we're helpin' the good side here or not, but then again, it's the side that didn't use Laura as bait so it's good enough.

" Nice of ya to show up Da? " Pitor yells. " It is time for the Fastball Special? no?" Ya know I really hate it when he does the Fastball Special Without warning . because I really ain't sure what he was aimin' at.

I end up goin' through the flamin' castle, or whatever the place Satan lives is.
After clearin' the cobwebs in my head,from goin' through stone. I'm jumped mess o' demons. So after slashin' 'em up. I was a little lost.

Ya see since I didn't really get ta talk to anyone before bein' tossed like a ragdoll at who knows what I ain't really sure what the plan here is. Aw well I'll just follow evreyone else an slash whatever ain't an X-man or don't look human.

Ya know these guys look like they die, but can ya really die in Hell? Where do ya go If ya die in Hell New Jersey? The DMV? Ok This ain't the time ta a really think about that.

I find evreyone but metal head, aka Colususs in some kinda main throne room. Lucifer , am Hell storm , fightin' each other wit' pitch forks. Chuck blastin' demons in the hover chair. Bobby complainin'while freezin' groups o' demons.

Angel freakin' out a bunch O' 'em just by lookin' like 'imself. Makin' a lot O' em run away. Emma was turnin, On a bunch then hittin' 'em with Mind zaps or beatin' em down in diamond form.

Beast was bouncin' around and throwin' out them them ten dollar words. Gambit was runnin' away yellin' "Not the face. " While Cyclops was in a corner somewhere in the Fetal position.

I caught up ta Laura as we did the bezerker rage thing. While I think The boy HS ( Who came with Ghost Rider.) Was all bothered by seein' her in the throes O' the rage. At this moment Satan grabs her.

" Alright! Evreyone back off or the girl gets it ! "

" What are you watching old movies now ? Who says that anymore? " Iceman quips. Don't worry I'll put an end to this. " He makes Ice forms underneath the fallen angel's feet, makin' im' slip towards this nasty lookin' giant portal in the floor.


The demon sneers. " Snow covered freak! You almost made me fall in the Nexus of realities! We could have been lost forever there!" As ol' Scratch tried to get up a card thrown by Gambit. ( Who had his eyes closed by the way.) Knocked'im and Laura even closer. to it.

Hellstrom and Ghost Rider Look at each other. " What do I care about the girl any way? If father is gone from this realm It'll be mine. "


And the Rider, just screams " Satan will pay for turning me into this! " I tackle Hellstorm before he can blast his trident, and slam 'im into Ghost Rider. So now I have to wrestle wit' them.

While some O' the X-men finally pull 'em offa me. The Lord o' Darkness grins walkin' away from the potral with Luara. bitin' and clawin' him, until Cyclops blasts 'im in the thing.

" Scott!" Chuck yells.

" What thought we were supposed to be sending over into that?"

" No Scott!"

Laura had caught the edge with her claws and was tryin' to pull her way back to saftey with the Devil tryin' to climb over her. Hs Runs over to this scene. an tries to free Laura, only to be grabbed by his daddy.

"All this is your fault Boy! Perish! In the inbetween of all that is!"
So I'm runnin' and catch the two kids while tryin' push Ugly in with the bottom O' my foot.

This ain't workin' An' I feel myself fallin' in. Luckliy Pete finally made it here, and grabbed me.

" X- men fire on Lucifer!" Orders Chuck. After Hellstorm, an' GR join in Lucifer finally goes inta the pit. While me and the Ruskie pull the kids to saftey. Now we all stare at Damian Hellstorm. Not sure if we'll have ta fight him now or not.



"Well? demands Laura. " Aren't you going to give HS his soul back?"

" He would still be a threat to me...."

" Oh! Your going to honor your deal alright!" A feminine voice. from the nowhere commands. We all turn on this to see this lady.

Lady Death? Hellstorm questions. "What are you doing here? "

The woman sneers . " As if mortals being used as pawns in a coup of Hell wouldn't attract my attention? Especially these mortals. You had already entered into a verbal contract. HS' Soul in exchange, for the X-men's aid, and you get Laura Kinney daughter Of James Howlett or Logan. Or is she was once called Talon, alias X-23's soul if HS ever tires to take Hell from you , am I correct?"

" Yes your honor." The Son of Satan admits.

She glares at the new hell lord. "Do we really need to have a trial here? Or will you just give HS' soul back?"

The half demon waves at HS. And he's set on fire.

" My brother is now whole , as was the agreement. " Hellstorm declares.

Another voice comes from the one of the of the portals. It was Mephisto's " The X-men are mine! I lured them down here!"


Death shakes her head. " Did you actually get any member of the X-men to willingly give you thier souls?"

" No. " The demon lord said flatly.

" You know the rules, Mephisto. They are free to go ." She gestures and and next thing I know we're at the mansion at Westchester.

Ice man shouts."Yes I'm gonna totally take a cold bath! With packs of ice added! Underneath an air conditoner!"

HS. looked over to Laura. " You risked you soul for me?"

" You did the same for me. " She shrugged.

" Does this mean we're back together?"

" Let's take it one step at a time." Laura answers.

They are about to kiss when I put my hand in between them .

" Uggh! I just put my tounge on Demon blood! " spit's Laura.

" Bleh" Hs Gags. " I don't even want to know what I tasted on my side!"

" HS go home! Laura go to yer room!"

I need a cold brew.

Meanwhile Lucifer falls out of the Nexus of reality. " Earth Realm?


"Good! There shall be a recokoning for my humilation! A painful reckoning!"

Well the fight was goin' about as well as can be expected against someone who fought Silver Surfer to a stand still. Bit us X-men where actually doin' a pretty good job Because Mephisto kept gettin' distracted by that screamin' idiot Ghost Rider.


Then while he was gettin' thrashed we'd jump Mephisto. O' course he'd recover , and we gota do it all over again. Until he was suddenly blasted and disappeared. We all turn . on the blaster, Damion Hellstorm.


" Hellstorm our thanks.." Chuck starts .

" I didn't do this for you Xavier. Just letting my uncle know who's the new top dog.That and offer you a deal, Help me route the last of my father's defenses , and I'll send you home."

" Woo Hoo!" Iceman shouts in the back.

"Wait a minute!" Laura Growls after I cut her outta the cage, and avoidin' the regenerating Mephisto flesh. " What about HS' soul? We can't just let him keep it. "

The former Defender's eyes turn red. " He has the gift he'll be a threat to me one day I can't allow that!"

She pops her claws " Please! He doesn't want your precious throne just to live on Earth."

" What are you willing to bet on that little girl ? Your soul? "

" I don't have a soul." She mutters.

" Ha! Mephisto did a number on you " Hellstorm laughs. " Yes you have one, I can see it. But fine If you people help me I'll give HS' soul back as long as he never tries to unseat me. But if he ever comes for me not only is his soul forfeit so is yours!"

Before I can shut her mouth she says "Fine! I'm probably going to Hell anyway!"

He opens a portal, Go through there, and retrieve my love sick brother, Wait! what is the meaning of this Vulcan!"

" Don't address a god in that term Son of Satan I came here to bring sad tidings the boy known as Fade, along with the demon that posses him have been slain by your father."


I see tears Come down Laura' cheek. "I may have lost Angus, I'm not losing HS!" She's about to go through the portal, when I knock her out.

" Ya ain't goin' anywhere girl." I throw her at Gambit. " Make yerself useful fer once And take her with ya, and Hellstorm I'll be gettin' the dumb kid out." I do a double take. " What the Flamin' hell happened to yer hair Bub?" When he starts to talk with that extremely fake French accent O' his I stop 'im . " Never mind I don't wanna know. I jump through the portal, and And I hear someone behind me.



" Ghost Rider what are ya doin?"

" I'm going to help you."

I roll my eyes . " God it's the 90's all over again. "

" Hey that was Dan Ketch not...."

"I don't care!" I interrupt.

On the way there is a door, and like a dummy I open it. The Sentry jumps out an' yells " I have the powers of a thousand exploding suns in my pants!" he starts dancin' and begins a strip tease. I slash his chest , and it turns into a demon.


" What was that ?" The Rider asks.

" A reenactment O' the worst Avengers meetin' in history. That's Sentry on Ginger ale I 'd hate ta see him drink a beer. "

" That's the reason I ain't never joined the Avengers" He laughs.

" Yeah that's the reason." I snort.

He's jumped by a bunch O' demons. " Go On get the Kid I'll be fine leave me!" He shouts.

" No Problem." I mumble.

I find the boy in human form, and some demon chick lookin' at me strangely.

" Where's the girl? Why are you here? You Fool! You've ruined everything I was going to make a potion from her blood!"

I show her my fangs. " I'm so glad ta mess up yer lil plan then darlin."

" Kill you!" she declares shooting hell fire at me. I dodge it. Duck some magic sword she tries to use on me. I stab her in the guts . She tries some spell, an' I kick 'er in the mouth before she finishes it.

She heals up. ans skewers me with her blade , I heal as well. " Looks like we're at a stalemate Darlin'."

A chain forms around ' er body. The Ghost rider pulls her over to him. " Satanna ."

" Zarathros?"

" Half of me. Look into my eyes, and feel the pain of all your victims!"

She screams, and slumps down. I go over ta Hs and slash his chains off . " Hey rookie! rise n' shine!"

" Your not Logan. Your another one of the punishments here.

I smack him one. " Believe I'm Logan now dummy?"

He glares. "Yeah."

" Good now ya got two choices, I can knock ya out , an, drag ya outta here, or ya can walk. Which one is it gonna be?" he gets up , an starts followin' me. " Good choice." I grin.

So Fade left lookin' fer HS. Eh. Good I don't wanna have ta be a part O' rescuing that punk. Lil' freak thinks he's entitled ta things just because he had 'em all handed to'im. Laura actually showed some brains, kickin' him to the curb.

There I am starin' off at Mephisto. I growl" It's adamntium tastin' time Bub!" I charge the freak. He gestures, An' I'm covered in fire. Next thing I know a bunch o' my Ol Sparrin' partners attack me, The Dark Riders Cylla, A bunch O' others.

Weird I notice Cyber ain't among 'em. What he get thrown inta loser hell? While these shades O' past enemies rip and tear at me Mephisto looks over ta the cage where Laura is bein' held.

" This is what love gets you. Pain. You see the feeling you had for my nephew aren't real just a chemical reaction. when the chemicals are gone 'love' fades. All this pain Logan goes through? It's your fault!

I tear through the bodies, O' my ol' enemies. " That was fun. Got any more? or should I just take Laura outta here."

The demon grins. " You know your always bragging that pain is an old friend of yours. I think it's time to get reacquainted with your greatest meetings with it. "

Next thing I know I'm a little kid again, an' my dad was just shot by Thomas Logan. I'm mad I feel this tearin' in my hands. Next thing I know Thomas Logan is dead, His son that pervert Dog, just had his face torn open, an' my life will never be the same again. James Howlett died that day , and Wolverine was born.

My journey don't stop there, no I get to relive accidently killin' my first love Rose. Then years later Sabertooth killin' Silver Fox.

After that I get ta visit the Beatin' Sabertooth put on me the first time. The next moments are visits all Over my life. Some fun stops are Cyber killin' another girl I was inta , than rippin' out my eye then I took an extended time in the Weapon X project.

Then the fun O bein' crucified by the Reavers.

Then havin' My Adamantium pulled out. Next thing I know the Hulk is tearin, me apart.

Why Mephisto, kept me at the one time Batgirl supposedly beat me up is beyond me . I mean that was kinda fun except I ain't got Deathstroke's pedophile thing. But hey look me up in a couple O' years Darlin'.

Yeah I know I'm wit. Shi , an all, but I'm naturally a pessimist. We'll either breakup, or she'll be killed. Just how my life goes. Any way after goin' on "this is yer life here. I went into a bezerker rage.


He just blasts me with hellfire. " Well that was entertaining." He laughs. " Now go into your cage, next second, he's zapped by an Optic Blast. Well looks like Scott is in "Butch Mode " today.

" This is my lil' surprise fer ya Bub! " I grin as The X-men all attack.

" This just means can claim their souls sooner.!" the Hell lord brags.

I clap Hank On the shoulder. " good work Bub I knew ya can make that Astral Plane Portal get here."

" Well yes , and no, we had to have someone put a spell on it to allow it to give us entry." Beast explains.


" Who Doc Strange?" I ask. " I knew him joining up wit' the New Avengers would be a good thing."

" No. " Beast stammers. " Someone else."

" Aw no don't tell me!" But the sounds of a motorcycle engine confirms it Johnny Freakin' Blaze Better known as ..




Ghost Rider... Great just Flamin' great!

Yeah I Got mad at Aoc . C'mon we all went over the finish line at the same time. and if Simon didn't have it in fer me it woulda been me who got the win.

Bleh. Whatever Chuck thought he could keep me asleep. yeah Flamin' right he I guess he fergot about all the mental blocks Weapon X put inta this ol' Canuckle head. Yeah I went out fer like a minute, then I was up again ready ta give someone a piece O'my claws.

Then the phone rings.

" Yeah? Whattya want ?" I growl.

" Hey this is Fade."

" I know who it is bub, I got caller Id."

The kid seemed shocked by that. " I know where HS And Laura are could you meet me at Clover Heights? "

" That the joint ya live at wit' Parker? ain't it? Yeah I'll be there in a few. "

When I get there I leap as high as my legs'll take me. Then I use my claws ta climb the rest O' the way. Yeah I know I coulda' took the elevator , This way is quicker an' more fun.

Ya know ya never know what yer gonna see in people's windows. Like this.

Now that puny little geek Parker, is, and his model wife are havin' a 3 way? While my gil ain't even gonna hear O' it. Flamin' injustice. Then i see Parker come out like this an' all is right wit' with the world.

I really hope the pajama bottoms with the skirt , with the tap dancin'shoes is his new costume. So I can laugh at him in the next New Avengers meeting.

When I get up ta the, Roof I find the Irish Kid talkin' to himself. Not only that I smell two scents comin' from 'im. One O' them is bad news. I pop my claws. " Didja have anything ta do with Laura beun' missin'? " I ask.

" No." The kid said his Irish accent missing. " But this little freak knows exactly where she is. "

The smell O' Brimstone, comes up behind us. I turn ta see this normal lookin' man.

Though I ain't ever seen this person before the smell tells me all I need ta know. " Mephisto!" I leap at the demon, but get some hellfire fer my trouble.

" Logan Logan, Logan, why do you keep trying to hurt me? You know it's Futile! But if you want to try again, I invite you into my realm. I think that little pathetic imp can get you there. Your daughter will keep me company until you can arrive. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"


He vanishes in a puff of smoke. Damn it normally I would just go in , not carin' about the consequences, but this time Laura's life is at stake , I may have ta set up a lil' surprise fer Mephisto.